When The Stars Go Blue
by Keely Jade
Summary: Jacob and Bella were in engaged. But when Jacob is killed and saves Bella's life, Bella is forced by Charlie to see a counselor, who just so happens to be Edward Cullen. AH/AU. REVIEW PLEASE! BxE ALL THE WAY! PLUS BxJ FLASHBACKS! REVIEW!
1. The Shrink: Edward Cullen

A/N: Hello! This is a new fanfic idea that I've had lingering in my head for about a month or so and I finally decided to sit down and take the time to write it! Everyone please review! I love reviews and they mean the world to me! So review! **THIS IS ALL HUMAN AND ALTERNATE UNIVERSE. **

**Special thanks to: My best friend Lynie and my friend Nikki (JateSkateFate815, writer of Twilight FanFiction, The Topaz Eyed Hitchhiker)! **

**Dedicated to: My bff Lynie, my bff Dani and my lovely friend Nikki!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do NOT by any means own any of the following characters. I do, though, own the plot. That is it. As much as I long to be the talented and sophisticated Stephenie Meyer, I'm not. –Sad sigh- **

**Anyways, here's the first chapter! Please review!!**

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"I'm not going, Dad," I pouted, crossing my arms over my chest. I was being _forced _to go to a shrink, for the third time in the period of three months. My fiancé, Jacob, died. He didn't just _die_, he _died _for _me. _And I had to deal with that everyday. I went into a serious depression and Charlie forced me to see one of the best shrinks in town and they talked to me. Charlie insisted they were just special friends, but I thought of them as nosy people who enjoy gossiping. I knew it wasn't true, but still. So I went to the shrinks and would sit there and nod occasionally, and finally they would tell Charlie they couldn't counsel me any larger because they couldn't help me if I didn't help myself. So after the first shrink, it kept going like that and here I am today: Sitting in my father's cruiser, being forced to go to the best paid and top shrink in Seattle. Yes, Seattle. Charlie drove me to Seattle just to go see a counselor.

"Bella, honey, just think of Dr. Cullen as a special friend. That's all he is. He can help you through this better than I can, Bells," he insisted. He smiled weakly at me. I sighed. If going to the third shrink in a month made my father happy, I would do it. Not for my sake, for his. I know Jake would want me happy, and I know I can't do that, so the best thing I can do now was make Charlie happy.

"Fine," I grumbled.

Charlie chuckled, and patted my hand.

"Honey, it's what Jacob would want. He wouldn't want his Bella to be hurting. He gave his life up for you. You shouldn't-"

"-Dad, I understand. I'll go in," I said quickly, making him stop. I didn't want to hear anymore. I know Jacob, my fiancé gave his life up to save mine, and I didn't want to be reminded about it. I smiled slightly and leaned over to kiss Charlie on the cheek, and opened the car door slowly. "Pick me up in an hour, Dad." I shut the door and backed up slightly. I offered a small wave and he smiled, and sped off. I turned around; facing the building I was standing in front of.

I read the door. _Doctor Edward Cullen's Office._ Great. Edward sounded like some old person's name. I pulled the door open, and walked in, my face being hit with the aroma of apple cinnamon. A lady who appeared to be in her late 30s sat at the desk, typing on the computer. She looked up at me from behind her long eye lashes.

"Yes?" She asked annoyed.

"Uh, um," I stuttered nervously. I licked my lips. "Um. I'm here to see…um…Dr. Clun?" I stuttered again. She looked at me confused, and I laughed nervously.

"Barbara,"a friendly voice said from somewhere. I looked around confused, looking around for the voice.

"Yes?" The lady at the desk, Barbara, said.

"I'm expecting an Isabella Swan. Is she there?" He asked. I looked around again. Oh, I was Isabella Swan. Barbara looked up at me with questioning eyes.

"Are you Isabella?" She asked, politely now.

I nodded. "I am."

"Well, dear, follow me," She stood up, her long skirt falling to her feet, and led me to the door by her desk. She went in, and I followed.

"Here she is, Dr. Cullen," Barbara said. She flashed a toothy smile at me and left me alone. I looked around for someone else in the room, not seeing anyone.

"Isabella, have a seat," a velvet voice invited, coming from the desk I stood in front of. The chair spun around, and a young, bronze hair colored man smiled at me. His sparkling emerald eyes danced into mine and I blinked, trying to escape his friendly stare.

I sat down hesitantly, my eyes never leaving the radiant green ones that belonged to the shrink. He smiled as I sat, and smiled weakly back at him.

"Hello, Isabella," he smiled, his pearly white teeth showing.

"Bella," I corrected blankly. I was mesmerized by his beautiful eyes. They shone with the light of the room, and danced beautifully like Jacob's dark eyes once did. My heart broke slightly at the thought of Jacob's expressive, beautiful eyes.

"Bella," he said with a smile. I looked up from my hands and shook Jake's face from my mind. I think the saw my expression.

"Bella, what's wrong?" He asked. He was going into shrink mode.

I shook my head. "Nothing." He narrowed his lovely eyes. He read people well and I realize why he decided to become a counselor. "Enlighten me, Bella. I can't do my job if you don't tell me what the problem is."

I sighed, defeated. He was good. Far too damn good at his job. He smiled. Stupid, stupid shrink.

"My fiancé." My voice cracked with each word and I stopped, dropping my head, playing with my fingers nervously.

"Yes, Bella?" He asked softly, polite.

I picked my head up, and stared into his eyes. His eyes turned brown and Jacob was sitting in front of me. I jumped in my seat.

"Bella, what's wrong?" He sounded panicked. Jacob did, not the shrink. I felt a cold hand on my back and I jumped up, tears streaming down rapidly. "Bella." It wasn't Jacob's voice anymore. It was the shrink's.

I breathed out slowly and then back in. "I'm fine," I promised. It was a broken promise already and he knew it. He offered a gentle smile and sat on the edge of his oak desk.

"Bella, are you okay?" he asked kindly. I smiled small and nodded weakly.

"I am."

He smiled again and my heart skipped a beat.

"Care to tell me what that was all about?" He asked after a moment of silence.

I stared into his eyes for a moment, considering the choice of telling him the truth, or making up a lie. _No lying_, a voice in me teased. Jacob.

I looked away and began, "My fiancé, Jacob, died three months ago." Tears dripped down my face, and I knew I sounded like a freak while talking and crying at the same time, but somehow I didn't care. I usually didn't let _anyone _see me cry, except Jacob. But there was something oddly comforting about this shrink. Not like the rest who were old and gray. "Jacob and I were getting married the month after. Exactly one month after. We were going for a walk, and an old man…was on a new type of medication…" I stopped to breathe. My body wracked with a painful sob and I began again, "and we were crossing over to the other side of the road, our hands laced, and the old man…" I stopped again. I knew I couldn't keep going. I looked up at the shrink. He had his arms crossed over his chest and he looked pained. I sat staring at him while he stared at the floor. He picked his head up slowly and his eyes caught my.

"_Bella, go on," _Jacob's voice whispered in my ear, his voice lingering in my head, leaving me no choice not to go on._  
_I nodded, obedient. I took a deep breath. "Jacob loved me and he took his life for me…the old man swerved and when he jostled the steering wheel, it spun and his glasses fell off, leaving him blind. Jacob pushed me out of the way, and onto the other side of the street, and Jacob was…" I stopped, hoping he would catch on, but the shrink's eyes were gentle, and encouraging me to keep going. "Jacob was crushed," I cried out, holding my sides as I shook. The shrink enveloped me in a small, awkward hug, but it was still comforting. I cried into him and he hushed me.

I pulled away, looking into his eyes, a small crooked grin on his lips. I smiled too, my face wet with salty tears.

"Bella, Jacob loved you." The shrink's voice was promising and I believed his every word. I know Jacob loved me. And I know he still does.

"I know-…" I looked up at him, apologetic. I chuckled slightly. I didn't know his name.

"Edward," He said formally, giving me his hand. I shook it gently, and let go. My hand tingled at his touch. But I liked it.

"Bella," I smiled back.

"Yes, Bella." He smiled too and I couldn't help another smile cross my lips.

I sighed sadly after a moment, dropping my head. My mind roaming with memories of Jacob and I when we were young and in deep, blissful, carefree love. I sighed once more.

"What's wrong?" _Edward _asked.

I looked up and he was looking at me intently.

"I feel guilty," I confided, feeling childish. I _know _I shouldn't feel guilty about my life being saved, but because Jacob died, I want to, too. And I was scared that I did.

Edward looked at me confused, and his face suddenly went…pained.

"Bella, there was nothing you could do, you know that, right?" He cocked an eyebrow slightly.

I nodded.

"I know, but…I should have pulled him out of the way. I can't help but feeling selfish. Jacob pulled me out of the way. If I wasn't with him, maybe he would have lived! He wouldn't have to worry about me getting smashed…"

_FLASHBACK_

_The terror in his eyes burned into mine. _

"_JACOB, MOVE!" I screamed at him. He pushed me away from his body, and I fell twenty feet away from him onto the grass. I heard Jacob scream and agony, and the tortured sound brought burning tears to my chocolate eyes._

"_JACOB, NO!" I jumped up from the ground, running to Jacob's side. _

"_Bella," He choked out._

"_Jake, no, no, you'll be fine." I ran my fingers through his dark hair. I felt his warm and sticky blood on my hands._

"_Jake, you're bleeding." He looked up at me with droopy eyes and the corners of his lips curled up slightly. He smiled. _

_My heart broke at the sight of his beautiful smile. I knew this would be the last time I could see his smile. _

"_I love you, Bells," He whispered. "His head went limp in my hands and I cried into his chest, my body wracking with painful sobs. _

_END FLASHBACK_

"Bella, there was nothing you could have done, and you have to believe that." I looked into his eyes. They were promising, and comforting.

I nodded.

"I know," I sighed.

After a long, silent pause, a beep filled the room.

"Mr. Cullen, your next patient is here," Barbara's voice filled the room. My head shot up at the sound of her voice.

Edward cleared his throat the answered, "Thank you. Send him in, thank you. Ms. Swan still has ten minutes left," he answered, politeness in his tone. His eyes flickered to mine every few seconds when he spoke.

"Okay," she answered back.

I stood up. "I should…I should wait for my Father to pick me up," I said hesitantly.

He nodded. "It's been a pleasure to meet you, Bella." He held his hand out again and I shook it again. His skin left the same feeling as the last time.

"Thank you…for this, Edward," I said politely.

He simply smiled, and nodded at me.

"It'll be a joy seeing you again next Tuesday."

"Bye," I whispered, wondering if he heard me as I exited his office, shutting the door behind me.

Dad sat slumped in a pale red chair, waiting for me. I smiled at him small, and he stood up, his arms open for a hug.

"Dad," I said with a smile hugging him. He led me out to his cruiser and we smiled and waved at Barbara on our way out.

"How was it, honey?" He asked. Hope filled in voice.

"It went…well," I smiled at him.

He smiled, too. He looked relieved as he drove off.

And I felt relieved, too.

"_Good girl," _Jacob whispered in my ear. I smiled.

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A/N: I'm absolutely happy with the turn out of this first chapter. I had many variations of the beginning and I didn't like them as much as I enjoyed this one. I hope you guys are just as happy as I am! If you are, review please!!!! They'd be appreciated and I'd return the review.


	2. Home, Sweet Home

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A/N: Hello! Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! This is an update! Haha. Edward isn't in this chapter, but the next chapter he's in it a lot! But this chapter is just about Bella, slightly with Jacob, also! And Charlie, too. So please review! I will be updating tomorrow night! Review? It'd be appreciated!

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**Chapter is mainly dedicated to: JateSkateFate815, because I am a meanie-head who told her I wasn't updating until 2009, and then I tricked her. SO THIS IS YOUR PRESENT FOR CHRISTMAS, NIKKI. YOU BETTER LOVE ME FOR IT! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own it! Nope, I don't! But in my mind I own Edward and Nikki owns Jacob! Does that count? No? Dang! **

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"_Dad, I'm moving out."_

I never knew four words could mean so much. All I said was I'm moving out. When Jacob died, I moved back in with Charlie. He insisted I stay until I wanted to move back out, and I wanted to move back out. I felt it was time to let him go and move on. Charlie simply looked at me, then snorted and said 'Honey, whenever you want, you can'. Then he laughed for five more minutes and left the room to watch the game.

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I called the landlord to the apartment I lived in with Jacob, and told her I would be moving back in today. She was enthusiastic the apartment would be lived in again, even though Charlie's been paying the rent there when I wasn't living it, but she disliked the apartments being unattended.

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I packed my bags, and hauled them down the stairs, and Charlie met me at the bottom step.

"Where're you going, Bells?" He asked me, eyeing my bags and the one box I had. He ran a hand through his graying brown hair, perplexed.

I looked at him softly.

"I told you…I was moving out, Dad."

His face fell.

"Oh." He looked hurt, like he didn't want me to leave him.

"Dad," I said hesitantly. He looked at me with hopeful eyes. Hope that I was going to change my mind and stay.

"Do you want me to…stay?" His eyes lit up, but he smiled a broken smile.

"Bella, if you think it's time to move on, I'll drive you, honey."

I smiled, nodding.

He helped took my bags, and I grabbed the box I had packed my valuables in. When I moved out, I took everything that was mine and left everything that was Jake's at the apartment. Anything that reminded me of him tortured me in the strangest of ways. So I left all of his belongings, and the thought of being attached to him again left me with an excited feeling.

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The light and steady beat of the rain that fell from the heavens was the only sound during the car ride, except for when Charlie asked awkwardly if he was still entitled to driving me my counseling appointments every Tuesday, which I willingly said 'yes'. He smiled at that and said no more the rest of the car ride.

I tried to make myself remember the feeling of 'home', but I couldn't remember. I hadn't felt that warm feeling I got when I walked in from a stressful day of work, when I would be home and in the comforting arms of Jacob. I missed that feeling, and I was getting more excited by each mile that passed us. Each second I would be closer to _home_.

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I pulled into the familiar parking lot of the apartment complex and parked in my designated parking spot. I jumped out, excitement coursing through me, while Charlie chuckled at my excitement.

"Excited, Bells?" He asked with a laugh as he got out from the truck. He threw two of my bags over each of his shoulders, and grabbed my big box of valuables.

I nodded, a goofy grin my face.

I grabbed the rest of my belongings, and we walked up the long, narrow, small-spaced hallway that lead up to the floor of my apartment.

I dug around for a moment for the key, and pushed it in the lock, and turned, opening the door.

I was expecting the missed warm feeling of the apartment, but that's not what I got. My face fell into a frown, and I groaned, causing Charlie to look at me worriedly. I rolled my eyes at him, and he looked away, confused. I breathed in. The air around me didn't smell like before. Before it smelled of Jacob's spice smell, mixed with my soft, lavender scent. The smell was there, but barely. It used to be strong, hitting your face every time you would turn. Now it was a faded, musty smell. It didn't smell _right_.

"It smells like Jake," Charlie commented, placing the bags and the box on the small counter.

I nodded sadly. It did smell of Jacob, but the smell was stale.

My eyes looked over the living room, then the kitchen.

"Looks clean, too," he added.

"That's because Jacob hasn't been here to mess it up," I said, a slight hoarse in my voice. I cleared my throat.

"Bells," he started, worry in each word.

"Dad, don't you have a duty to protecting the citizens of Forks? Get home. You're six hours late." I leaned in, giving a small awkward hug, while my face matched the hug. Small and awkward.

He pulled away after a fraction of a second, a slight smile on his face. Clearly, he was awkward by this, too.

"Later, Bells. Call if you need anything. I'll see you tomorrow." His hand was brushing the door handle now. "After your appointment, we can go for lunch." He smiled, opening the door slowly.

"Bye, Dad," I said. He walked out, looking back at me once, offering a smile, and shut the door.

I was finally alone.

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I walked around slowly, remembering several memories each room held. The living room was the room Jacob and I spent the most time in. We would watch TV, eat massive amounts of junk food, laugh; our memories were all born in this room. I wiped away a quick lone tear that fell from my eye.

I walked around the small kitchen. I walked alongside the counter, my hands running along the counter as I walked. I would make Jake and myself a sandwich everyday after I came home from work, and then we would watch the news and make fun of the news anchors.

I walked down the small, tiny hallway. I stopped at the small bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror. I stared back at myself, wishing there was a face behind me. Jacob. He wasn't there. He would never come behind me and wrap his arms around me as I applied the tiny amount of makeup I wore to work. My stomach dropped at the terrible thought.

I opened the mirror, looking at the small shelves which hid behind the mirror. Jacob's shaving cream, tubes of open, old toothpaste, and small bottles of shampoo were all that was left in it. I sighed sadly, closing the mirror slowly. I looked into the mirror again, a faded image of Jacob's smile behind my head.

I rolled my eyes.

"No teasing, Jake," I scolded to the image. He rolled his eyes back at me playfully and he was gone.

I growled, walking to the bedroom we shared. The door was shut, and I let my hand hover over the handle.

"Jake, you better help me," I said threateningly. I heard his soft chuckle in my ears.

I opened the door, hesitant as ever, and pushed it open. The smell of us was stronger in the small bedroom we once shared and the smell brought warm tears to my eyes, which were now spilling over my cheeks freely.

"Jacob?" I called.

He sat at the edge of the bed.

I sat down next to his image, holding my sides as I shook with terrible, I thought were deathly, sobs.

I fell back onto the bedding, shoving my face into the smell of the blankets and cried.

I fell into a soft, painless slumber, dreaming of the last time Jacob and I were in this bed together. I felt my lips curl at the memory, although I was sleeping, I wasn't in a deep sleep. All I could hear were the voices of the memory.

_FLASHBACK_

"_If we have a boy, what do you want to name him?" Jake asked, his head resting on my shoulder, his breath tickling my neck._

_I laughed and shook him off. _

"_You're goofy," I laughed, lying down on my back. He simply smiled at me and lay by me and wrapped his arms around me._

"_Answer the question, Bells," he challenged, playfulness riding on each word._

_I thought hard, my expression most likely looking like I was working on the hardest Sudoku book in the world. _

"_Taylor," I spit out randomly. His eyes bulged out._

"_Like the singer?" He inquired, making me giggle._

"_No, silly! Like a baby's name. A baby boy. Taylor." _

_He smiled and kissed me softly. "Taylor it is."_

_I hit his chest lightly. "Jeez, Jake, we're not even pregnant. We haven't even done…that." I laughed at the last word and he joined in, too._

"_We're?" He asked questionably. He pointed to his stomach. "I can't have a baby, Bella. I'm sort of a guy, ya know!" He poked at my ribs playfully, making me roll my eyes. _

"_Jacob, you're impossibly goofy tonight, and I'M not pregnant!"_

"_I know, but we're getting married, right? Our baby boy has to have a name, Belly!" He teased me. Of course I knew he had to have a name! Oh, jeez, now it sounds like we're having a baby._

"_Jacob," I pretended to be serious, my face almost as serious as my fake tone, "we're naming our baby boy Taylor James. Understand?" _

_His face got serious too, and he smiled. "Of course, Bella." _

_He kissed me softly and I laid my head on his chest, thinking of how our baby boy would have my eyes and his dark hair color. Our lives would be more perfect than they are now…_

_END FLASHBACK_

I opened my eyes slowly, hearing rain beating against the small window on the left wall, high upon the ceiling.

I was home.

"_Home, sweet home." _

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A/N: Thanks for reading! Review!

Also, to my wonderful beta, I forgot about you beta-ing this so, you can beta the next chapter! Thank you!

ALSO, my beta is twilight-is-lovee, and she is amazing. Check out her wonderful stories!!!

Also, any talking that's in italics, is Jacob speaking!!!!

Kay, thanks for reading! Review!

And again, Merry Christmas Nikki and to you all!!!


	3. Strong Enough

A/N: Ohmyjacob, I haven't updated in like...three years it seems like. I AM SOOOO SORRY! I might update this story every month, once a month, but I'm not sure. Nikki is getting very impatient, I think. Haha, anyway, please review and thanks for reading!

Chapter dedicated to: Uh, Nikki. Cuz I have nobody else to dedicate this story to! Haha, just kidding. BUT THIS IS DEDICATED TO NIKKI.

When I awoke from a restless slumber, I was curled in a ball of sheets and blankets. I pressed Jacob's pillow he last used to my nose, and breathed in his smell. I sobbed into the pillow. I wished desperately he would take me in his arms, and make me feel....whole. Like I used to when he was with me. I didn't feel whole anymore, I felt broken and tired.

I looked at the alarm clock Jacob spent a half hour trying to get to work. It was almost eight. My appointment with Dr. Cullen was at noon. I groaned. I hated talking to shrinks, although Dr. Cullen was the best shrink I've been to, it still felt...weird. Even though I knew Jacob and Charlie wanted the best for me, the best was Jacob, and if I couldn't have him...what's the best now? Nothing.

I showered and dressed in a pale T-shirt and a pair of Capri jeans. A knock at the door made me jump and drop my sweatshirt I was grabbing from the counter. I picked it up and opened the door. Charlie stood, a smile on his face and walked in.

"Hey, Bella. You look nice." He smiled, and looked around. His expression grew confused. "Have you not unpacked anything yet, Bells?" he asked, looking around in the living room. He turned to me. "Do you need help?"

I shook my head quickly. I didn't want help while I was unpacking. I knew water works would come into effect as soon as I opened my first box. "No, I'm fine, Dad. I was just tired last night so I didn't unpack. I'll unpack after we're done with everything this afternoon."

He nodded. "Okay." he smiled. "So, are you ready to go?"

I nodded. "Let's go."

The car ride to the counselor's office was quiet, despite the soft music Charlie was listening to. I stared out the window the whole time, wishing as we went past a park that Jacob was pushing me as I would swing. I sighed sadly, causing Charlie to look over at me. He opened his mouth to speak, but I shook my head in protest, and he nodded, and looked back at the road. Good idea.

When we arrived, I got out quickly. Charlie rolled down the passenger side window, and looked out.

"Do you want me to go with you, Bella?" he called out. A lady walking on the sidewalk looked at me funny, like I was mental. I shot a glare at the back of her head when she was past me, not looking at me anymore.

"No, I don't, Dad. I'll be fine. Come get me in an hour."

"Okay, Bells." he waved to me and I waved back.

I walked inside, the cold air from the air conditioning hitting me like a smack in the face. A lady at the desk, a gorgeous blonde, looked up at me.

"Are you Isabella?" she asked, her voice bell-like.

"I am," I said, my voice slightly timid. My ego was shot down by her beauty.

"Mmkay, well, Dr. Cullen is in with a little girl at the moment. She'll be done soon." Wait, did I just hear some rudeness in her voice?

Either way, I sat down in the soft red chairs against the wall. The blonde was still staring at me.

"So, where's Barbara?" Oh my gosh, I'm such an idiot!

I heard her laugh, although her mouth wasn't open.

"I'm actually Edward – Dr. Cullen's real assistant." she paused. "I'm his sister, too."

I looked up. I could see that they were siblings.

"Oh," I whispered, "you look alike."

She smiled fully. "Thanks. He's older than me, though."

I nodded.

She smiled again and went to typing on the computer.

"I'm Rosalie, by the way," she informed me after a moment. I looked up.

"I'm Bella."

She nodded. "I know."

We were silent again, and then the door to Dr. Cullen's office opened, and a small little girl with a cheeky smile stepped out. She ran to the blonde at the desk – Rosalie – and jumped on her lap.

"I talked to Uncle Edward, Momma!" she giggled. "I'm no scared no more!"

Rosalie kissed her nose. "Good girl!" she cooed. She looked up at me.

"This is my daughter, Lilly."

I smiled at the little girl who was looking up at me with two small fingers in her mouth.  
"She's was afraid of the monster under her bed," Rosalie explained, running her fingers lovingly through the curly blonde hair of her daughter.

"She's adorable," I complimented, still smiling at the little girl. Her eyes were glued to mine.

"Alright, where's Miss Isabella?" Dr. Cullen stepped, smirking playfully at me. "Are you ready to start your session, Bella?" he asked, looking at me, his eyes glowing.

I nodded. "Let's go." I stood up and walked towards him. I looked at Rosalie and her daughter. "Nice meeting you, Rosalie, you too, Lilly."

"G'bye!" Lilly waved, pulling her fingers from her mouth to wave.

"Have a good day, Bella," Rosalie said, not looking up from her daughter's hair.

I wanted a baby now. A small little boy or girl I could wrap in my arms and hum terribly to. Like I was going to with Jacob's son I would carry for nine months and protect with my life. But I couldn't do that anymore. Jacob wasn't here anymore to give me a life to carry.

I would never have that.

Ever.

I sat down in the chair I sat in before the last time I was here and Edward sat on the edge of his desk.

"So what's new, Bella?" he asked, resting his hands on his legs.

"I moved back in the apartment I used to share with Jacob," I said, my voice strong, like I wasn't hiding tears far behind the strong tone.

He smiled. "How did your first night go?"

I dropped my head. I was afraid of this question.

"Bad," I whispered.

He stood up, and touched my hand. I looked up.

"What happened?" he sat in the chair next to me.

"I saw Jacob's face in the mirror, standing behind me...and when I went in the bedroom he and I shared together, I remembered the last night we shared in there...we talked about having a baby boy together and naming him Taylor. And...and when I saw your sister's daughter, I remembered it more. And...and I can't have children now."

He nodded thoughtfully. "I understand, Bella."

"And, and I just...ugh. I fell asleep crying and I woke up...sad, an empty feeling in my stomach."

He nodded again.

"Do you ever think of adopting a child?" he asked, his voice soft and thoughtful.

I shook my head. "I could never take care of a child on my own...without Jacob. I feel like I can't do anything without him."

"Bella, why do you fee that way? Why do you feel like you can't do anything without Jacob in your life?"

I shook my head. I didn't know.

"I...I don't know. He was everything to me...And...I felt like I could do anything with him."

He nodded, and stood up. He took a pad of paper off of his desk and sat down again by me. He wrote quickly for a moment, and then looked up.

"What's your occupation?" his face was still tilted down to the notebook, but his eyes were on mine.

"I'm a writer," I spoke. He smiled.

"Really?" he wrote that down, I'm assumed, and then looked up.

"And how long have you been writing?"

I shrugged. "Most of my life."

"And it's your profession, too, right?"

I nodded. "I went to college for creative writing for four years and published a small novel a year ago. It didn't go far, though. I think it only sold a thousand copies."

"And what did you do with the money you made?"

I shrugged. "I put it away."

He nodded, writing again.

"And you've been writing all your life, even before you knew Jacob?"

I shook my head. "I've known Jacob almost all of my life. My mother left my father when I was three months old. When I was 16, she remarried and I decided to move with my father."

He raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

I sighed. "Because he was a traveling baseball player. He would travel a lot and she would miss her husband, and she would stay home with me. I figured it was time to move with my father and let my mother live her life."

"And you did that all without Jacob?" he confirmed.

I sighed. Stupid shrink. He knew his job too well.

"Yes, I did."

He smiled. "You see, you were strong before you fell in love with him. His love just made you feel like you were stronger, but really it didn't make you stronger. You were strong all along, you just didn't realize it."

I nodded. "You're right." I smiled, fake of course. "Thank you."

"It's my job, Bella."

Lunch with dad went fast, and quietly. He asked me how my session with Dr. Cullen went and I replied it was fine. He didn't press the subject, and I was glad he didn't. If I had to talk to anyone, it would be Dr. Cullen because he and Jacob were making me.

Stupid, pushy, stubborn men.

I opened the cardboard box that held some of my life. I took the blanket Jacob gave me for Valentine's Day one year. He had it custom made for me, the front of it reading 'JAKE LOVES BELLS'. I held it to my chest, and sobbed. I set it on the floor next to me, and took out the next item: A stuffed puppy I once said looked like Jacob, and he laughed and bought it for me. I named it Jakey and I slept with it every night since he died.

I unpacked everything, and it all lied across the floor, scattered. I held my sides as I sobbed and looked at it all, taking in the memories each object held.

I fell asleep on the floor, crying until I had a headache and a stomachache. When I awoke, it was raining, of course. And Jacob's eyes were staring down on me.

Two words uttered from his mouth.

"_You're strong." _

A/N: This was a quick, quick update and I hoped everyone liked it. :-) Review if you did!

Annnnddd, I should be updating in like...five years or something. Haha, just kidding. Like in five weeks. Haha, review!


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